With my physical and mental health (finally) improving, I find myself at a bit of a crossroads personally. While disclosing this sort of thing isn’t necessarily my style, frankly, I feel a bit at a loss with what to do with myself. It’s been very, very long year(plus), trying to rediscover myself and finding some sort of purpose outside of work.
Don’t get me wrong – I like my line of work; if nothing else, it’s an excuse to be a jerk and lord my competency over other people and use it as an asset (and a liability). But, I digress. It’s not a hobby, and I need more to be fulfilled.
I spent years with the San Diego Nintendo community, running it and building it into something large, very large. Nintendo has some great fans, and StreetPass groups in their heydey were pretty awesome. But with the local community, I’ve never met a bunch of people who will bite the hands that feed them — and this quite frankly applies to both groups I built and ran. Not to say I didn’t enjoy the good times, but let’s face it: It wasn’t meant to last for me and I have no desire to return. Nor do I desire to build another community or help with another right now.
And for quite some time, I’ve dabbled with competitive gaming. Did very well and even won some tournaments. But let’s face it, I’m getting old, and my tenacity is waning. And that got me into streaming, which, let’s face it, my heart wasn’t in for terribly long anyways. Besides, I adult now. That’s a thing It’s not like I have a lot of time for either of these activities.
I’ve pondered for months over some creative works. I had an excellent idea for a new comic, at least in the vaguest senses, and, let’s face it: I never finished Ratboy Is Dead. I actually have about 100 pages of the latter written. And I suppose one shouldn’t forget about all the work I had put into character design, music, scripts and story for Meridian Knights, as well.
I’ll likely eventually revisit Meridian Knights and Ratboy Is Dead, as well – these ideas have been churning in my head well before they saw the light of day.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that while my health is improved, I need to rediscover my passion at this point. I have no idea what that is, or what it should be. Hell, I don’t even know which direction to face. Things are open, and odd, and strange, and that’s easy to get lost in.
Granted, that’s a wee bit melancholy and rather open-ended, but, kinda guy I am. It’s strange enough to look towards the future still, as is. But at least I have a desire to explore again, and while time is short, a desire to do so.